Wednesday, Dec. 12 – Zach Dickson

12 Dec

Wednesday, Dec. 12 – JOY

Today’s Scripture:
Psalm 30:1-12
1 John 1:4-7

I never would’ve thought joy and confession would go together…

“If I tell them how I’m actually feeling right now, they’ll think of me as weak, and they’ll stop coming to me for advice.”

“If I tell them how I’m actually feeling right now, they will think I’m crazy.”

“If I tell them how I’m actually feeling right now, they will just make me feel worse.”

Over the span of four years, I had become a “professional avoider.” I knew I was struggling with panic gripping anxiety, letting irrational fears affect me so much that I would respond to a simple conversation with a friend as if a gunman had just walked into a bank and held me at gunpoint. However, there was never a gunman. But my mind wasn’t letting me believe it. I knew I needed help, but I was afraid. I was too afraid to tell anyone that I was afraid. This resulted in a mental breakdown at the ripe old age of 25. I was a vocational pastor at the time and I didn’t work for two months. I didn’t physically leave my apartment for a month. I was prescribed anxiety/depression medicine and I saw a Christian psychologist once a week for an entire year.

Looking back, I NEVER want to go through all of that again. However…I don’t regret any of it. Mainly, because Jesus has, is, and will continue to make me new through it. He has, is, and will continue to teach me through my struggles.  I’m so thankful God is teaching me not to live in the dark. Living in the dark will never allow me to live in fellowship with other believers and my Heavenly Father in the way my heart so desperately longs for.

I love being married. I love my wife. She knows me. I tell her when I’m scared. I tell her when I want to punch someone in the face. Does she leave me? No. She comforts. She corrects. She presses into my pain. My vulnerability, my admission of my weaknesses with my wife ACTUALLY breeds intimacy with her! HOW MUCH MORE does our Heavenly Father want to press into our pain!

Weeping can turn to dancing. Crying can turn into laughter. Joy can come in the morning. Healing still exists today. But it will only happen as we learn to live in the light.

Thank you God for not staying in Heaven. Thank you for coming to earth humbly as a baby. Thank you for living a perfect life and making a way for us to have a deep, abiding relationship with you through your death and resurrection. And thank you that we now have a God who can COMPETELY sympathize with our weaknesses and who even welcomes our weaknesses. Let us welcome one another as you welcome us. Give us confidence to walk in the light as you are in light.

-ZD

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One Response to “Wednesday, Dec. 12 – Zach Dickson”

  1. Jane Woods December 12, 2012 at 10:16 am #

    Zach, thank you for this transparency. We’ve all been through something, right? It’s a gift to share in each others hardships and to see the redemption God brings through them. Whew! I’m overwhelmed by the intricacy of God’s plans. To think that he knew before you were born that this struggle with fear would draw you near to him! Amazing. Thanks, Zach

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